5 Types of T-Shirts that will make you look like a stereotypical douche
In the day and age where you can put anything on a shirt, and sell it in a Cafe Press store–there tends to be a surplus of absolute shit when it comes to t-shirts. When you’re a little guy like Assault, we tend to frown upon these sorts of shitty designs/slogans on a crappy hanes beefy t’s that people seem to absolutely LOVE to pay $20 bucks for.
Call us design snobs, or elitists, but the fact of the matter is the economy is in the crapper and, Americans now more than ever are being labeled as fat consumerists who will buy anything and everything no matter the ridiculousness or cost. All we’re saying is, if you’re gonna piss away $20 bucks on a t-shirt, make it an original one.
Speaker City / Douche of the Week Movie Cliche
Unless you’re Vince Vaughn or someone who stole said shirt from the wardrobe department after Old School wrapped then you shouldn’t be wearing this shirt. You’ll never be as cool as Vince Vaughn, not even cool enough to drink the whippits he left lying around after Mitch’s comeback party.
I Support Single Moms / FratasticI like semi-offensive shirts just as much as the next guy, but like many of the shirts around the net, most of them just aren’t funny. I can also personally guarantee that no man in the history of frat parties has gotten laid while wearing this shirt. So for you guys out there married to a stripper, or you slightly overweight fraternity brothers out there–this shirt can be yours for just $18.00 (which may be better spent on a weekends supply of Natural Light)
But as far as a long term investment goes: there’s no way you’re ever going to wear this after graduating. You don’t want to be “that fraternity brother guy” who never moved on from his keg-standing college days do you?
Anything Barack/Hillary/McCain/Ron Paul Election 2008 relatedYes, I vote, and intend to vote in the upcoming election–but thanks to the constant bickering between Hillary and Barack Obama regarding which of the two of them is more ready to be the commander in chief, or which one of them is able to win more votes, or which one can win the general election, ENOUGH already.
If you are one of those idiots who runs around touting why your candidate is better (t-shirt with ______ presidential candidate worn proudly) then you are a giant douche. Same goes for you boneheads who put their bumper stickers on your car. Congrats, you voted for W and now you’re going to vote for McCain–may as well tape a confederate flag to that redneck gun rack mounted on the back of your pickup.
Who’s gonna wear a t-shirt that costs you $20.00 bucks after the election is over anyways? That’d be like me wearing a Bears Superbowl champions shirt from 2006… Those Ron Paul people are kinda nuts. Stay clear of those guys.
University of WHATEVER T-Shirts / Also FratasticI went to college, and I even had some clothing from my respective college, but now that I have moved on with my life, and the fact that my college has no major sports teams competing in Division IA sports I no longer feel the need wear anything college related.
Why are you a giant douche if you wear college t-shirts? Because you didn’t goto that college, you surely didn’t graduate from that college, (Can you say Georgia Bulldogs???) and you bought that sub 6 dollar Steve and Berry’s T-Shirt that came straight from an Indonesian sweat shop where children work machinery for $.08 cents an hour.
I hope you sleep well at night you bastards who buy non-American made products sporting your “All American” University broo-haha on them.
Venture Capital T-Shirts / GEEKS
So you caught this t-shirt that was thrown into the crowd at the most recent computer convention in Vegas for the next Twitter! …or the next Google! …or the next Facebook! Don’t you dare wear that shitty 4XL “web 2.0″ company t-shirt anywhere. The only people wearing those startup t-shirts are the ones who work at that startup because they don’t have money to buy real people clothes. I know I mentioned the economy being in the shitter and bla bla bla before, but there’s no excuse for shamelessly promoting someone else’s crappy product. Period
Looking for some non douche t-shirts? Try checking out a few of my favorite places to get shirts:
- Assault – (our store) use coupon code DECAY and you will get 20% off
- Shirt.Woot.com – A shirt a day for $10 bucks on American Apparel. If I could afford it I’d get 2-3 a week.
- Design By Humans – New designs daily–and none of that silly children’s book illustration type stuff.
- Thread Junkies – Some real nice work here
- Ban T-Shirts – Better Political T-Shirts
- Akumu Ink – Similiar to Assault, very nice.
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About the Author
Tim is the co-owner of Assault, and is responsible for the creative direction of both Assault Shirts as well as AssaultBLOG. Follow him on twitter @assault Email this Author | All posts by tim
Awesome Pictures.
Simply innovative.
Regards,
Vinodh
You might also add “seen too many times poor grunge designs”.
But I guess it’s just a matter of taste…
I love this statement “…but there’s no excuse for shamelessly promoting someone else’s crappy product. Period”. Unless of course it’s Assault’s crappy product:
http://www.assaultshirts.com/assault-shirts-official-tee.html
Ha-ho. Ya got us there.
No one buys those though.
why is this bull shit on Design Float?
Hey people will judge you on what you wear. Frankly, message shirts should go away in favor of design and illustration. Reading someones shirt is not cool. Band shirts might be the exception, but an arbitrary once a week limit to wearing them seems appropriate
Deon is an asshole troll.
affliction?
Great band name.
Very decent of you to promote other companies’ work that you do respect.